Who Knew
by GeekBastard23
Summary: Tony finally decides it's time to tell Gibbs. Strangely enough, he already knows. Slash.


_A/N: Disclaimer: NCIS and its characters don't belong to me._

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_**Who Knew**_

Tony took a deep breath before he opened the door to Gibbs' house. As excepted it was unlocked and he slowly made his way towards the basement after he realized that there was a small light filtering through the crack between the door and the floor there. However, he took a few moments before actually stepping in, almost desperately trying to remain calm.

He had known the guy for eleven years now, probably knew him better than anyone else and yet Tony had no clue how he was going to react to the monumental thing that the younger man was about to tell him. Whenever he had thought about telling him over the last couple of years, he had imagined so many different reactions that Tony wasn't quite sure anymore which one was the likeliest. Would he be mad and angry? Would he fire him? Would he just shrug it off as no big deal?

Tony simply didn't know and that was one of the many reasons, he had not yet told him about it. He also had no clue why he wanted to tell him _now_. He had kept it a secret for so many years already and there wasn't really any reason to break his silence here and now, but after the bomb had exploded at the Navy Yard only a couple of days ago and Tony had had to live through the most horrible couple of hours of his life, not knowing whether the older guy had made it out alive or not. He could still feel the figurative weight lifting from him when he had spotted Gibbs coming out of the building, a little battered but generally fine. Maybe it was the idea of losing the guy to some misguided father or some random perp that had made him decide to finally spill his guts. He still wasn't sure whether or not he was comfortable with the idea of Gibbs knowing about it, but Tony knew that he had to do it.

He had been drinking two glasses of bourbon before he came here, simply to calm his nerves, to wind down after their exhausting but successful chase after Dearing and to get into the right frame of mind to tell Gibbs. And how to prepare better for the older man than with his preferred drink, right? Steeling himself, Tony finally opened the door to the basement and slowly walked down the stairs, casting a nervous glance at Gibbs.

The older guy was looking rather tired as he slowly moved his arms up and down the wood. Tony could relate only too well, the last few days had been exhausting and he was also feeling pretty drained. He sat down on the last of the stairs, still staring at his boss who hadn't even acknowledged that someone had entered his basement and at midnight at that. So Tony remained silent for a few minutes, simply watching Gibbs' calm and practiced movements and let them lull him into a much quieter frame of mind. He had no clue how the older man always managed to calm him down no matter what. Most of the time he didn't even have to say anything, his sheer presence in the room made Tony's heartbeat a little less erratic, made his breathing calm down, made his hands a little less sweaty.

"Gibbs," he finally plucked up his courage to speak but had to realize that his voice was rough and rather shaky.

His boss just kept on sanding the wood and let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a grunt, but it was enough for Tony to know that he was listening, so he slowly continued to talk, his voice still trembling ever so slightly.

"There's something I need to tell you. And I'm feeling kind of bad because I didn't do it sooner. But you know me, if I'm good at one thing it's running. I'm like Forrest Gump you know. I just keep on running and running until I sometimes forget what I'm even running from."

"You're rambling," Gibbs interrupted his rant as he finally spoke, his eyes never leaving the piece of wood in front of him, causing Tony to wonder what in the world he was even sanding.

"Right, sorry, Boss," Tony apologized and ran a shaky hand through his hair, messing it up big time, but he was far beyond caring by now. "It's just, this is really hard for me to… admit, you know. I mean, I admitted it a lot of times and everything, just not to somebody… you know, who actually knows me and might actually care about it. You know… someone like you."

That caused Gibbs to stop sanding for a moment, his shoulders momentarily tensing up before he visibly relaxed and went back to work. Tony stared at the muscles of his upper arms and took another deep breath. He needed to get it off his chest soon, otherwise he knew that he'd chicken out like so many times before.

"The thing is… contrary to what I've made you believe all those years," Tony continued awkwardly, his voice on the verge of breaking once more. "I'm not really, you know, a ladies' man. Truth is," he stopped to take another deep breath before he continued. "I haven't been with a woman since… I don't know when… and even then… ah hell. I'm so bad at this. See, that's why I never told you because I suck at it. Me, who's never tired of stringing one word after another and all, can you believe it."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs' sharp voice cut through his monologue. "Rambling."

"Yeah," Tony let out a strangled laugh and then squared his shoulders, even though he knew that Gibbs still wasn't even looking at him. "So here's the thing. I don't like women. I mean not like that… not romantically."

There, he had said it, but he didn't feel the relief settle in. No, instead he felt his breath hitch in his throat as the fear of having said too much, of having let too much about him on, of having scared the other guy away, slowly but steadily tried to consume him. Gibbs was still sanding the goddamn piece of wood, his movements never faltering. So, Tony just kept on sitting there, staring at the guy, desperately trying to get his heartbeat under control as he realized that the usual Gibbs-will-calm-you-down-survival-kit was not likely to be available tonight. He scrubbed a hand over his face.

Why the hell was this so hard? He had long accepted that he was gay, had long given up fooling himself into believing that it was just a phase. He was attracted to men, it was as simple as that, and he knew that it was nothing to be ashamed of. Most of his frat brothers knew, after all, and none of them had thought anything about it. So, why was it so hard to confide in Gibbs of all people? The guy knew him better than anyone else, knew him inside out. Well, except the tiny little monumental thing he had shared with him.

"You do realize I just came out to you, right?" he finally pressed out, his voice still not quite normal because he was suddenly confused and feeling crushed and who knew what else because of Gibbs' non-existent reaction.

Gibbs let out another grunt in a way of answering, his eyes still fixed on the thing he was sanding and despite his better instincts, Tony once again wondered how in the world that fucking little piece of wood could be more important than his confession. What the hell was wrong with Gibbs? He couldn't just ignore him like that, could he?

"You're not going to say anything?" he finally asked and let out a relieved sigh when Gibbs finally put down the goddamn sander and turned around to look at him.

"Why now?" the older man replied and there was an expression on Gibbs' face that Tony had never seen before and couldn't place.

"Why I suddenly became gay?" Tony asked, slightly distracted by the blue eyes that suddenly seemed to bore holes into his own head.

"No," Gibbs answered, his tone of voice patient and maybe a tiny little bit annoyed and it somehow caused Tony to calm down a notch, maybe Gibbs hadn't lost his powers on him entirely just yet. "Why are you telling me now? Didn't think you were seeing someone special at the moment."

Tony remained silent for a few moments, trying to catch Gibbs' eyes but was unsuccessful as his boss' glance was resting somewhere above his head now. He hadn't expected Gibbs to react like that... just… not reacting at all. Something about his behavior was… off.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Boss," he finally replied. "When would I have the time anyway?"

That earned himself a slight smirk from Gibbs, or at least Tony thought so. The corners of his boss' mouth had at least twitched dangerously for a second there.

"I mean… No, I'm not seeing anyone right now. I just wanted to tell you. I simply couldn't hide it any longer, you know. A guy can only live a lie for so long."

"Why did you, then?" Gibbs prodded and his eyes were resting on Tony's face for a second and the younger man would have sworn that he saw them flicker before he turned around and picked up the sander again.

"Lie?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said, his voice low and somehow dangerous all of a sudden.

"I don't know. I was confused. I really don't know," Tony trailed off as he realized that he was stuttering.

"No one would have judged you. No one _will_ judge you for it."

"I _know_ that, Gibbs," Tony replied indignantly, once again wondering why Gibbs was reacting like that and why the hell it was so freaking _hard_ to get this conversation going. "I guess it's just been easier this way. Not exactly great being a cop and gay and all. Wasn't helping that we're working with the Navy and all."

"So you just decided to lie to me? All this time? Because it's _easier_?"

Surprised, Tony looked up at the guy. He had expected him to be angry at him, but all of a sudden, Gibbs' tone of voice had changed. He sounded rather beat now and even though, Gibbs' features were composed, there was something boiling right beneath the surface. But it certainly wasn't anger because Gibbs simply never hid that, he always let it out, the consequences be damned. Tony studied his face for a moment and then felt his heart drop as the realization hit him that Gibbs might actually be disappointed… and hurt?

"Yeah, it's been easier," he finally continued slowly and quietly. "Like I said, I'm good at running. And it's not like you've told me everything about you, either."

That made Gibbs stop sanding once again as he turned towards him. His jaw was set now, his eyes piercing him, causing the younger man squirm ever so slightly. Tony knew that he shouldn't have said it, knew that Gibbs had had his reasons for keeping so many things about his past quiet, but it wasn't like he hadn't told the truth. He had never told him about the family he had once had, so he had no reason to be mad at him for not telling him about his sexuality. But the longer Gibbs was staring at Tony, the more it became apparent to the younger man that his boss wasn't actually mad. Instead, he seemed faintly curious and Tony released a breath he hadn't even known he had been holding. Then, just as he was about to continue to talk, Gibbs suddenly broke the eye contact, put down the sander and went towards the workbench, opened a drawer and retrieved an envelope, which he tossed towards Tony, who caught it with ease despite his still violently shaking hands. He raised an eyebrow at Gibbs, who merely shrugged and then started to work again, paying Tony no attention whatsoever.

He stared at him for a couple of moments before he drew his attention towards the envelope. It was rather heavy and the paper seemed to be rather old, judging from the slightly yellowing edges. He turned it around and opened it. A few photos fell out of it and Tony felt his heart sped up once again as he realized what they were displaying. He could see himself, though a significantly younger version of him, on each one of them. In one he was sitting on a bench in what seemed to be a park of some sort, and Tony recognized it as his favorite one in Philadelphia, his arms slung around another man - and for the love of God, Tony couldn't come up with a name – kissing him passionately. The next photo showed him in a club, suggestively dancing with a handsome man, whose name had been Tommy, he was sure of that one. There were a couple of others, but Tony couldn't bring himself to look at them. He already knew what he would see in them. They were all fairly old and Tony's heart sank as the realization hit him that someone had him followed all those years ago. He suddenly felt sick. Had this been the reason he had been all but chased away from Philly and subsequently from Preoria? Had this been the reason why the guys in Baltimore had always kept their distance despite the fact that he was well liked?

He stared at the photos for a few moments before the awareness settled in that Gibbs had known all along. That Gibbs had known, probably from the day he had hired him, and had never bothered to share his knowledge with him.

"Where did you get these?" he finally whispered, his voice so shaky now that he wasn't even sure if Gibbs had been able to hear him.

But the older man had stopped the goddamn sanding once again and finally walked towards him and sat down on the stairs next to him, taking the pictures from his hands. Tony felt the heat that Gibbs was radiating and had to force himself to not lean into the guy, even if only for second. So he did the exact opposite, he leaned back against the railing, waiting for the other guy to explain.

"Not quite sure," Gibbs started. "Got them the first week you were working for me. But I got a pretty good idea."

"Yeah?" Tony asked stupidly.

"Hmm," Gibbs replied, looking up from the photos to stare at him instead and Tony briefly wondered whether his eyes had always been that bright. "Pretty sure they're from your father. Postmark's from New York and I had Abby run the fingerprints on the original envelope. Don't worry I never told her why I wanted to know. Turned out that they belonged to one of your father's employees. Probably wanted you to get fired as soon as possible."

Tony gave a start at that and wanted to deny it, but then he realized that this had his father written all over it. He had never accepted his sexual preferences, had never approved of his choice of job. Had this been his final effort to make him unhappy? Tony closed his eyes for a moment, willing the tears down that threatened to escape. He wasn't a wuss after all. He would not start crying over a thing that had happened over eleven years ago.

"So…," he finally said, his voice still not above a whisper. "You knew all this time?"

"Yeah."

"Why did you never tell me?"

"Same reason you never told me," Gibbs replied and Tony looked up again and straight into his eyes because his boss' voice was calm and quiet once again and it actually managed to calm him down, even though, he still had no idea why that was.

"You never told me you knew I was gay because I never told you I was?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"That doesn't even make sense," Tony couldn't help but chuckle.

He felt like a ton had been lifted from his shoulders and he had no clue why. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Gibbs was still sitting that close to him, that he apparently wasn't angry at him, that he wasn't about to fire him, that he had kept his secret for eleven freaking years without even been asked to. And he suddenly felt strangely elated because he shouldn't have been nervous about telling Gibbs about it. This was Gibbs after all. He never judged people because of what they were. And he had always understood Tony better than nobody else and only now did he realize that it was because he had always been able to see right through his bullshit. Always had and probably always would. He just got Tony, it was as simple as that.

"Thank you," he finally stammered out.

"For what?" Gibbs asked and Tony was somehow relieved that he sounded more like himself again.

"For everything. You know, not telling anyone. Waiting for me to get my head out of my ass and tell you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should've."

"Yeah, you should've. But you weren't ready."

"Don't think I am now."

"Yeah, you are," Gibbs smirked ever so slightly.

"Well, if you're sure, I have to be," Tony attempted to joke, earning himself the expected head slap and just like that everything was back to normal.

Gibbs stood up, squeezed his shoulder once and then walked over to the workbench, picked up his sander and started to work again. Tony let out a snort and watched the older guy for a couple of minutes. It really hadn't been that bad after all, had it? Hell, he didn't even care that his goddamn father had attempted to make his life hell. It simply didn't matter because he hadn't succeeded, Tony was still sitting in Gibbs' basement after all, just like nothing had ever happened and he felt safe here, felt safe whenever his boss was around and even though, he still had no idea why, it simply was and all was well for the time being.

He had no clue how long he had been sitting there when Gibbs cleared his throat and looked at him out of the corners of his eyes, his hands never stopping to work on the piece of wood.

"You sure you're not seeing someone at the moment?"

Slightly taken aback because Gibbs never asked stuff like that, Tony remained silent for a few moments before he shook his head.

"Yeah, I'm sure. There's no one. I don't need anyone right now. Got everything I need."

"Don't settle for me and my basement, DiNozzo. It's not enough."

"It is for the moment," Tony grinned ever so slightly. "I know there's no guy out there, who'd just send me chocolates with a note telling me to meet up in a park and go for a walk and all that crap."

Gibbs stared at him for a moment and then shrugged, turning away from him.

"Sometimes it's worth waiting, you know."

"Hmm," Tony just replied.

It was okay with him, he knew that it was the truth. There wasn't anyone in the picture at the moment and even if there was, no guy would ever get him like Gibbs did. And even that was okay because, really, Tony was happy with what he had. He knew he could count on the guy and as long as he had Gibbs in his corner, it would be alright. It would all be alright eventually.

.

A few weeks had passed since Tony's fateful visit to Gibbs' basement and he was relieved that nothing had changed at all between them. Gibbs still treated him like before and Tony was still welcome in his basement and everything was fine. When he walked into the bullpen late on a Friday evening, having just been down in Abby's lab to get the details right for his report and already looking forward to a weekend off duty, a little box that lay on his desk caught his eye. He quickly looked around, but the bullpen was deserted as McGee and Ziva had already left for the day. He took a closer look and realized it was a box of chocolates.

He stared at it for a few moments, feeling something strange and unsettling and _warm _spreading in his stomach as he picked it up and unfolded the small piece of paper that was attached to it.

_1800. Out front._

Tony blinked once and twice and a third time. This couldn't possibly be what he thought it was, could it? It was a print-out, so there was no telling who had sent it, but he had never told anyone he wanted… well, he had told Gibbs. But he wouldn't… would he?

The strange and unsettling and _warm _something in his stomach wouldn't stop doing whatever it was doing down there as he checked his watch. 1754. He let the box fall back down onto his desk and grabbed his stuff before he slowly made his way towards the elevators. His thoughts were swirling around his head as he stepped out into the yard a couple of minutes later, not quite sure what exactly he was doing. He glanced around but couldn't see anyone who looked familiar, so he just sat down on a nearby bench, his fingers trailing over the smooth surface of the piece of paper he was still clutching in his hands.

The bells of a nearby church started to chime, indicating that it was 1800, so he looked around again and then felt his heart stutter as he caught sight of the person - that he had feared, had hoped, had fervently wished would show up – walking towards him. He stood up slowly and then approached the guy, who had a slightly uncertain expression on his face as he looked around. Tony could feel a smile spread on his own face as the guy's eyes settled on him and for a moment they just stood there, a few yards away from each other.

But then, a smile appeared on the other man's face, matching his own and Tony felt his heartbeat furiously in his chest, but he didn't care because this was _Gibbs _that was standing there and _Gibbs _who was smiling at him, a real goddamn smile. It had been _Gibbs _that had sent him the note and Tony realized with a start that he had desperately wanted this all this time without even noticing. And then, he realized another thing.

_Gibbs_ had been waiting for him. _Gibbs_ thought he had been worth the wait.

Tony was still staring at him and had no idea what would happen now and frankly, it didn't even matter. He just knew that this was _it_. So, he just closed the rest of the distance between them, not daring to touch the guy and he didn't even need to. He just continued to smile at him, the warm feeling in his stomach still not quite vanished.

"You know," he finally broke the spell. "I don't know if this really counts as a park, Gibbs. We could have at least met up at the Anacostia or something."


End file.
